Love is a powerful force. It can lift us up, fill life with meaning, make us generous, inspired, and fully alive. But sometimes, what we call love turns into addiction. And then—instead of soaring, we fall. Instead of warmth, we curl into ourselves from the cold. Instead of closeness, we endlessly chase someone who slips away.
As a psychotherapist, I often hear in sessions:
“I can’t let him go, even though he already left.”
“I know the relationship is hurting me, but I still wait.”
“I’ve lost myself. I can’t think of anything but him.”
“He came back—and I dissolved again before I even realized it.”
This is not love. This is obsession, clinging, dependency.
True love begins with respect for oneself.
WHAT IS LOVE ADDICTION?
It’s a state where a person cannot emotionally separate from the object of their attachment. Where there is no balance in the relationship, but there’s a constant hope that the other will somehow make things whole.
An example from practice (name and details changed):
Anna, 38, a confident professional, went through a painful breakup. He would be close one moment, then disappear. Days would pass with no response. Then he’d return with words like, “You’re special.” Anna kept waiting. Hoping. Explaining her feelings, wounds, and needs. Each time she thought, “Just a bit more, and he’ll understand.” She canceled trips, stopped meeting friends, dropped her hobbies—everything in anticipation of his messages. Even when he said, “I don’t want a relationship,” Anna still believed that love would fix everything.
SIGNS OF LOVE ADDICTION
- You can’t stop thinking about the person, even if they treat you poorly.
- Your mood depends entirely on whether they message, call, or pay attention.
- You sacrifice your interests, health, friendships, and money to “hold on” to the relationship.
- You believe you can change them, “love them into healing.”
- You constantly analyze where you went wrong, trying to “earn” more love.
- You live in a fantasy about the future with them, ignoring their actual behavior.
WHAT HIDES BEHIND ADDICTION?
- Attachment trauma: growing up without a stable, emotionally available adult. Subconsciously, you now choose someone similar—cold, distant—and try once again to “earn the love.”
- Fear of being unwanted or forgotten.
- A belief that love must be earned, suffered for, or begged for.
- The illusion that this person is your only chance at happiness.
WHAT TO DO?
- Acknowledge the addiction
This is not weakness. It is psychological pain that deserves respect and care. Awareness is the first step. - Break the fantasy
You’re not addicted to the person—you’re addicted to the idea, the hope, the unhealed wound of inadequacy. They are just the trigger.
Ask yourself honestly:
“What pain in me has latched onto this person?”
- Reclaim yourself piece by piece
What did I love before this relationship?
Where do I feel alive?
With whom do I feel calm and grounded?
Even if you don’t yet feel joy—keep doing it. It will catch up. - Ban “secret feeding”
This means checking their social media, rereading old chats, listening to “our song.” This deepens the withdrawal—just like any addiction. Recognize: this isn’t grief over a person—it’s a withdrawal symptom. - Start therapy
Sometimes you can’t pull yourself out of the mud by your own hair. This isn’t about willpower. It’s about deep layers of the psyche that need gentle, attentive work. Therapy can be your anchor, compass, and travel companion.
INSTEAD OF AN EPILOGUE
Love addiction is the soul’s cry for closeness that was once impossible.
But you can learn to relate differently. Without fear. Without withdrawal. Without self-sacrifice.
You can love warmly—without losing yourself.
You can be close—without dissolving.
You were not made to suffer.
You were made to live, to feel, to breathe freely—and to love with dignity.
If you recognize yourself in these lines—this is not a sentence. It is the beginning of the way home. To yourself.