Love is one of the most powerful human forces. It can inspire, support, and give us a sense of meaning and warmth. But sometimes what we call love turns into a trap. Instead of joy, there is anxiety and constant waiting. Instead of closeness, there are endless attempts to chase someone who pulls away. Instead of confidence, there is a feeling that life depends entirely on one person. This state is called love addiction.
As a psychotherapist, I often meet clients who come to therapy with exactly this problem. These are some of the phrases I hear again and again:
- “I know this relationship is hurting me, but I still wait for his call.”
- “He disappears for weeks, and I can’t stop thinking about him.”
- “I stopped living my own life—everything revolves around him.”
Different people, different stories. Yet the pattern is always the same: this is not love. This is attachment gone wrong, a loss of boundaries, and a loss of connection with oneself.
What is Love Addiction?
Love addiction is a state in which a person cannot separate their identity from their attachment figure. Emotional balance becomes fully dependent on whether there is attention, contact, or validation from the partner.
The roots of love addiction often go back to childhood. When there was no stable, nurturing caregiver, the psyche “learned” to survive in unpredictable relationships. As adults, people then unconsciously choose similar partners—those who come close and then pull away—creating the same mixture of pain and hope.
Behind love addiction there are often:
- attachment trauma;
- fear of being unwanted or abandoned;
- the belief that love must be earned through effort and suffering;
- the illusion that this one person is the only chance for happiness.
Signs of Love Addiction
Love addiction can be hard to recognize at first. But there are several common signs:
- You cannot stop thinking about the person, even if they treat you badly.
- Your mood depends entirely on whether they text or call you.
- You sacrifice your health, interests, friends, and time to keep the relationship.
- You believe you can “love them into healing.”
- You constantly search for your own mistakes, thinking you must “deserve” more love.
- You live in a fantasy about the future, ignoring the partner’s real actions.
These are not signs of true love, but of dependency.
What to Do If You Recognize Yourself
Healing from love addiction is possible. But it’s a process, not a quick fix.
1. Acknowledge the Addiction
This is not about weakness. It’s about emotional pain that deserves respect and attention. Recognition is the first step toward change.
2. Break the Fantasy
You are not addicted to the person—you are addicted to the idea, the hope, the fantasy that they will heal your inner wound. Ask yourself: “What part of my pain is stuck to him or her?”
3. Reclaim Yourself, Step by Step
What gave you joy before this relationship? What activities made you feel alive? What people gave you peace? Even if pleasure doesn’t come right away, keep doing it. Life will catch up with your actions.
4. Stop the “Secret Feeding”
That means checking their social media, rereading old messages, or listening to “your song.” These behaviors make the withdrawal stronger, just like in any other addiction. Becoming aware of this is crucial.
5. Start Therapy
Love addiction is rarely resolved by willpower alone. Therapy helps you work through the deeper layers of attachment, rebuild boundaries, and restore respect for yourself. It becomes a compass and a steady hand on your journey back home—to yourself.
Frequently Asked Questions About Love Addiction
1. How is love addiction different from real love?
Real love supports, inspires, and allows you to be yourself. It includes respect and balance. Love addiction, on the other hand, comes with anxiety, fear of loss, endless waiting, and self-sacrifice. In love addiction, you lose yourself.
2. Why do I keep running back to someone who hurts me?
Because your nervous system is replaying an old scenario: the need to “earn” love from someone who withholds it. It’s not a conscious choice but a reflection of unresolved attachment trauma.
3. Can I break free from love addiction on my own?
Sometimes yes, if you can see the pattern and commit to changing your habits. But often the addiction is rooted in deeper psychological wounds, and therapy becomes the most effective way to heal.
4. How long does it take to recover from love addiction?
It varies. For some, the process takes months; for others, it takes longer. The important thing is not speed but the gradual return of your inner stability and freedom.
5. What will life look like after recovery?
You will be able to create relationships without fear, constant anxiety, or the dread of being abandoned. You’ll feel inner stability, and love will no longer feel like a struggle or a sacrifice.
In Conclusion
Love addiction is not a life sentence. It is a signal that your soul longs for closeness that once felt out of reach. Experiencing it does not mean you are doomed to repeat it forever.
It is possible to create relationships without fear and constant pain. It is possible to love while staying fully yourself.
You were not made to suffer. You were made to live freely, breathe deeply, and be in relationships where you are seen, valued, and respected.
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