Sometimes people come to my sessions and say:
— It’s like I’m falling out of life. As if everything is happening without me.
— I hear someone talking to me, but I can’t respond — it feels like I’m not there.
— I watch myself from the outside, and inside — there’s emptiness.
And I don’t see a lazy or strange person in front of me. I see someone who once learned to protect themselves the only way they could. By “leaving into nowhere.” Through inner numbness, like a life raft.
This state is called dissociation, and it’s not rare at all. Especially among those whose psyche has endured trauma, overload, loneliness, constant struggle, or emotional instability. Including people with ADHD.
Let’s talk about what it is, why it happens, how it looks from the outside — and how we can gently return to the feeling of being alive.
What is dissociation?
Dissociation is a state in which a person feels a disconnect between their inner world and reality, as if they’re “outside of themselves” or detached from what’s happening. It may show up as a lack of emotional connection, feeling like the body isn’t “mine,” or observing oneself from the outside. Often, this state is triggered by intense stress, emotional overwhelm, or trauma — especially when the situation is too painful or unbearable to fully experience. It’s a defense mechanism that allows the person to “switch off” when things get too hard.
When does dissociation occur?
Dissociation can be caused by many things, but it most often stems from traumatic experiences. When something is too painful, the psyche may “cut off” part of the perception in order to survive. It might be a single shocking episode, or a prolonged trauma — for example, in cases of ongoing abuse, betrayal, or instability in close relationships.
The trauma may be physical or emotional. In such cases, a person may begin to avoid “intolerable” things — feelings, memories, situations. This might show up as memory lapses, disorientation, a loss of time, or a sense of unreality.
Dissociation and ADHD
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) on its own can lead to increased anxiety, impulsivity, and difficulty with emotional regulation. This creates fertile ground for dissociative states.
For people with ADHD, dissociation often appears during periods of high overload: thoughts become foggy, sensations become confusing, and it becomes difficult to focus on the present moment. It can look like the person is suddenly “zoning out” — they’re physically present, but in a way, not really there. They may not hear what’s being said to them or lose their sense of time. This can appear to others as forgetfulness, aloofness, or inattentiveness.
But in reality, it’s a survival mechanism. When there’s too much information and too many stimuli, the brain starts to “dim the lights” to lower the pressure.
How does it look from the outside?
Sometimes a person in a dissociative state may look as if they’re drunk or under the influence of substances. Their gaze might be blank or glassy, their speech slowed or jumbled, their movements unsteady. They may “freeze up,” seeming disoriented or disconnected from what’s happening. And indeed, in those moments, the psyche is “floating” or “shutting down” to avoid overload.
To others, this behavior often seems odd or even irritating. If people don’t know this is a symptom — not a choice — they may get offended, think the person is ignoring them, not trying hard enough, or even suspect substance use.
But in truth — there’s a battle going on inside, and the psyche has switched to survival mode. This is not laziness or indifference — it’s a cry for help, expressed not through words but through behavior.
How can therapy help?
In therapy, we often work with clients experiencing dissociation to help them restore connection with their body, their emotions, and reality. This is a delicate, step-by-step process. We create a safe space where it becomes possible to feel — without falling apart.
In ADHD cases, therapy helps reduce overload, manage anxiety, and develop grounding and mindfulness skills. We also work with underlying trauma that fuels the need to “leave” or “shut down.”
Dissociation is not weakness. It’s a way to survive when things were unbearably painful.
But a human being is not only built for survival.
We can learn to live again — to feel, to be present, to come back to ourselves.
Gently. Step by step. In connection. In a therapeutic space where being alive is safe.
Where no one forces you to “pull yourself together” — they help you return to yourself.